good bye.

2009 is just about done.

thank goodness. It's had many good moments, but far too many shitty ones.

2010. A new year and decade.

now, just to grow up.

creole and cake for thanksgiving.

I have to say that I am extremely glad that I happened upon this song. Creole by the Charlie Hunter Quarter, featuring Mos Def. It's pretty damn bad ass, if I say so myself.

Michael was right about the library, it's a great place to go just to focus. However, I haven't actually done any homework, just done some thinking and listening. Sometimes it can be rather nice to be completely shut off from everyone. I mean, I still have my phone, my computer, so I can technically connect my self to anyone at any given time. But the option to shut away, it's cathartic. These past few weeks have all been a blur. Of parties, school, auditions, practicing, stressing, Beethoven, thinking, not eating, eating one meal a day, parents, work, money issues, bitching, overthinking. And even though most of these things have been painful, or at least a pain in the ass to deal with, I really do feel better having experienced all of them.

Thanksgiving. Hmm. It's the holiday that tells you what to do. Give thanks. I have plenty to give thanks for, not the least of which all those things I already listed. But that's not what this is about. I'm not really one to get all sentimental and shit, at least, not in a blog. That's cliche.

If I can just make it through today, I think everything will be better. Regardless of how things turn out, I just know that having all this stress lifted from me will be nothing but beneficial. That being said, I feel fairly good about everything. Nerves aren't necessarily the worst thing in the world. Let's me know that I really do care, at least. Cake has a pretty darn good trumpet player.

It's funny. How life works.

what's wrong son?

gotta say something, somewhere.

suppose here is as good as anywhere.

reminds me of so long ago when just a simple note saying "my life" on my twelfth birthday probably saved me from doing something so very stupid. just saying one thing can bring such immense relief. hopefully this silly journal, of sorts, can accomplish that, though I know full damn well it won't.

(60-40/75-25)

anyways. enough catharsis. I have to keep some kind of pressure on myself. otherwise I'll never get anything done. back to work. I have auditions to kick ass in in just over a week. there goes my real focus, everything else is just icing.

...and now I've begun to ramble.

good.

eroica, coffee and beta eta

of all nights to decide to post on here, I choose tonight. go figure.

not that tonight's anything special, good or bad. I just have a busy ass day ahead. got in a fight with michael. and the bad thing is, he was completely right. he just about always fucking is. and I hate being wrong, I've discovered. this comes as a huge detriment to me because people really hate that shit. I also have terrible time management issues--michael's case in point this evening. that is also why I am still up. I must finish this damned assignment. still have no clue what the hell to do about all the things I missed in Woodwind Tech...........

So here I am, sitting in my living room, surrounded by our ten PMs. I do really like these guys, they're a good group of kids; just need to work on getting closer. coffee is keeping me alive right now. as it will do so tomorrow as well. I just can't afford to build an immunity.

I really do hate not having anything to say.

....yet actually having so much. I also hate focusing on things that don't matter. just have to get shit done. enough said. now to diagram an exposition and talk about subjectivity. oh. and whatever the fuck question 5 was. possible practice in the near future as well.

gravity

it's for sure working against me. damned isaac newton and his apples..

other than that, a lot of much needed practice, and the foregoing of a lengthy explanation of the crazy shit's been going on the past few days, I have little to say.

so what if I like john mayer? he's a damn good guitarist.

keep me where the light is.

-enter B.A. solo-

davy, davy crockett. king of the wild frontier.

I'm not quite davy. but I was born and raised in Tennessee, so I think that makes me closer than many. point being, I'm going camping tonight. in my dad's backyard.

yes that sounds lame. but if it sounds lame, you probably haven't seen where my dad lives. it really is the middle of nowhere. and I've never explored behind his house, across the bridge over the creek.

taking a few good pals along is gonna make it better, as will the hobo packs for eating and summer brew for drinking (in our Bubba Keg!) watching the stars at night is truly peaceful. and making a wish on a shooting star or two gives me hope sometimes that this crazy life of mine just might make ends meet. (ha, didn't plan on making the end of that statement as alliterative as it was).

otherwise, I'm really in a good place right now. I could be doing more with my time, but I don't always. such is life. if you always made the most of every single second you'd inevitably explode. because some moments are supposed to last longer than others.....or something like that? camping. I was talking about camping.

heading out soon.

nature is calling me.

and I think I'll heed this call.

this time.

workworkwork

yeah that's what I do a whole lot of. (and I'm also aware that I ended a preposition, so shoot me)

working's all right so long as there's a bit of play to follow. and playing's all right so long as there's a bit of work to precede/follow. it's pretty much a neverending cycle, and I'm pretty sure that when you can find the balance between it all, you've reached nirvana.

life's all right sometimes. it's the mysteries that keep me intrigued mainly. and there are plenty of mysteries to choose from. (yes, another preposition at the end, what? do you want me to say "mysteries from which to choose? come on now). dreams are a fun one on which to focus my time (happy?). if only I could remember more of them than just snippets. I feel like I'm taking my own dreams out of context when I can only remember one, maybe two things. and then making up the rest as my now consciously thinking mind sees fit. it's unfair to poor, paralyzed, pure (ish) dreaming me.

thought about posting a wish/thought, but then remembered the old adage: you can wish in one hand, and [defecate] into the other, see which one fills up first. it never did hurt to dream, did it?

this one goes out to the friends I never had

late nights are all right with me. public enemies was a long ass movie. other than that, (excluding the weird camera techniques) it was a pretty good film. I, for some reason, only feel the need to capitalize "I" when typing on here. feels like I should at least capitalize something. most of the time I'm just a lowercase kind of guy.

speaking of, feeling slightly lowercase at the moment. crisis of identity of sorts, maybe? funny. not even sure if I'm having an identity crisis. living in the now can be pretty fun. and it's completely necessary, for sure, but recently I question the direction of things...not the least of which, what the fuck I'm really doing. seriously. real life's not as far away as it used to be, that's for sure. it's pretty scary sometimes just how close it really is.

dreams.

sometimes that's all they are, dreams. who am I to make them come true? for myself or anyone. damn. starting to sound straight up depressing with that stuff. what can you do though? when you realize that all I've done up to this point really doesn't amount to much. I'm a big 'motion-go-through-er'. and that is a pretty shitty aspect of life in which to excel as well as I do. off tomorrow, and what am I going to do with it? probably not shit.

it sucks knowing what you need to do, and still not doing it. from the smallest of small things to the biggest events in your life. shit.

should probably get out of this funk slide. unless it turns into a funk slide. .....yeah that only makes sense to me.

a moment of silence for those lost and unsure. namely yours truly.

perhaps, perhaps, and such. onto bigger and better things I hope.

after a few cups of good old waffle house coffee

still too damn lazy to hit that link to post more often.

hmmm. I was in one of those moods today. where you're in a good mood really, but you just wanna find the one person who pisses you off just the tiniest bit, and then rip into the unlucky bastard. un/fortunately I did not find said person, all my customers at work were fairly docile this evening.

movie plans with jordy didn't work out. so went to waffle house. came back to my place and here I am still flipping awake at 4:18 in the damn morning. hmmm. looks like google's a PC supporter, the hot keys for blogging are set up such that they're formatted to hit the control key, not the command key. communists. although I am rather a fan of the autosave function.

...............

arthur nersesian.

good author, great really, but I'm not entirely sure how I feel about Manhattan Loverboy. it's not bad by any measure. just. different. amazing how I can pull mindless things to write about when I'm dead tired, yet cannot sleep because of the caffeine still coursing through my body.

well, to quote Macbeth (as much as I hear that's a bad omen or something [not to mention the fact that this is really not quoting as it's bull shit taken out of context])

"to bed, to bed, to bed!"

days of our lives. and such.

well.

I said I'd update this a little more, but I've found to be too lazy to simply click on the link at the top of Safari and then hit new post. it's not too hard to type I suppose.

had a magnificent birthday party this past evening. manymany different people were there and it was refreshing to see at least on occasion some of my different friends hanging out with other ones.

the social group thing was my biggest obstacle for this party.

otherwise, we killed a handle. james broke a shot glass. i chilled in Rick's truck for a bit. and we listened to some good tunes while brad made himself look quite silly. and then eric showed up and everyone started to disperse. i feel pretty good about the evening's events for the most part though. clean up hasn't been too terribly bad either if not for my apathy and writing in this blog.

michael's gonna bitch, but what else is new?

que sera sera mofos,

Kevin H.

promises promises

should probably update this more often.

i pass up the bookmark too much.

note to self: update blog.

out.

too many late nights

i'm feeling quite sleepy. need to start going to bed sooner.

but i also need to unpack and make my room look nice.

Bonnaroo's tomorrow. not going....oh Grease. so fun but yet wish I were in a few more dances possibly. anyways.

maybe a trip with jordy soon. hopefully chilling with some new people too.

Greased Lightning looks a hell of a lot better. hard to find things to type when you're sleepy. and distracted. guess that'll do it for the night then. hmm.

ps.

wtf, john travolta is still acting? and with denzel no less? damn.

the motha fuckin fif element

so...yeah. needless to say. i'm more than impaired at the moment. watching the fifth element with matt l. life's been fairly stressful. it took me a good ten minutes to get from the predicate of that last sentence to the end of this one. whew. typing's tough.

i had forgotten how trippy this movie is. milla jovovich is sexy.

speaking of sexy, i would not mind some myself. from whomever. 

i thought i would be able to say a whole hell of a lot more right now. but i cannot muster up any words really. about time for sleepy sleep. good night. my friends.

late night baked potatoes

yep. just got done eating a couple baked potatoes. I know it's 11:30. Just seemed like a good idea. and easy.

let's see. today. at rehearsal from 10 til about 6:30 (including our post-rehearsal run) didn't really get to do too much for the vast majority of that. actually, I only rehearsed for a net of maybe two and a half hours out of that whole bit. but it's fun getting to know the rest of the guys and gals in the cast. discovered I'm actually a little bit cooler now than in high school? or at least more...personable? something like that. got invited to chill with the cool kids was my main point.

went from there to chill at home for a few. then ate dinner with michael. then got sweet tea with anna may. gonna miss her while she's in italy. oh well. got Grease to keep me more than occupied. then kickball. uneventful as ever. it's starting to lose its appeal to me. but I still go to hang out with a different group of folks from time to time.

boring day today. still in need of extra money for rent, et al. we'll see how that goes. time for sleep. and basically a repeat. except not. hope to chill with the greasers late tomorrow. ought to be interesting.

good night, oh internet.

my first day of blogitude

not an expert blogger quite yet. so I'm going to do the easiest thing first. chronicle my day today.

well. I was up into the wee hours of the morning reading The Average American Male, which is a wonderful tale of an anonymous guy in LA(not necessarily my choice of places to live, but to each his own) and the things he thinks. contains a lot of honesty. word to the wise, not all guys jerk off as much as the narrator in that story.

day actually started around noon, when I woke up. appalling I know. and I didn't actually get anything done today that I had planned aside from laundry and changing my insurance. the biggest bulk was supposed to be packing, but that didn't happen. I have no clue how I'm going to be able to pay rent, car payment and insurance and still eat. here's to hoping and praying I can do just that.

went to rehearsal for Grease at four. That ended up being anticlimactic and depressing because I am not in the big Hand Jive/Dance Scene as previously thought. This is not due to my dancing abilities at all either, but rather the fact that there are not enough female partners for all the guys. and I'm the only one that doesn't have something else to do in the scene. which sucks. oh well. no more complaining.

now. just listening to music. tweeting. trying to figure out the blogosphere. living the life and loving it. or at least trying to. anybody have some extra money they want to lend me? no interest?